Taken to task

Well it is really interesting to be taken to task so early in my blogging experience.
Mike has said that I could not "not survived" if I am here, therefore I survived.  Well I suppose if you follow the description of the word survive per the Standard Dictionary I have in my lap, he could be close if he applied this to a normal person.  According to the book, the definition is such: Survive-1. To remain alive, or in existence. 2. To live or exist beyond the death, occurrence, or end of; outlive;outlast.  Strictly speaking, I guess I have done some of that.

But for me, to survive means to be at the same level as before the traumatic event, and thus I do not feel I have always survived.  

My life have been full of traumatic events, I got polio at 6 months and 12 years old.  My paternal grandfather sexually molested and tortured me from the age of 4 till 12.  I lost my father the week of my 13th birthday.  My mother remarried a man who was abusive.  I ended up with an abusive  1st marriage, and while escaping from him was in a bad auto accident. After getting divorced I went to work in a summer camp and was beaten and raped and left to die.  After recovering from that, I went to college, and while asleep, my apartment while it was burning down around me.  The fire dept recovered a body, I was told, not rescue a victim.  And the government said that because I had died, I no longer existed, so I had to pick a new name and get a new Social Security number.  So who has survived?


So am I a survivor? I don't really view experiencing these events as being successful.   Yes I was, and am, alive, but I hardly call this surviving.  I have days when I can not breathe, walk or function.  I struggle through PTSD at times.  I sometimes must live a very isolated life.  My immune system sucks.  Many times, so does my attitude.


I have had successes; I managed (with Al's help) to finally get my degree from U of M.  I helped fight a legal battle against my husband by the USPS, and we won. I have won some wonderful funky awards for costuming.  And I will be married for 28 years on Sunday.


With all the trauma I have had, at least I have a sense of humor....warped as Hell at times, but it is mine.