Well miracles do happen and today is proof, we made it another year. It always amazes me when we get to our anniversary that we made it another year. Our life has been full of so much tragedy and sorrow that survival is sometimes the only function we run on. Al and I discussed last night the night before our wedding events and how poor we were, we had $25.00 to get married on and he still carries the Canadian $2.00 bill that was left over. For the money we got across the border into Canada, bought our license and went to McDonald's for lunch. As we ate we shared the table with someone who told us about a minister who might marry us. We had no idea what we were getting into, or what to expect. We started our marriage out with an adventure and have not stop having them since, some really bad ones and some really good ones, and crave for just medium at times.
We met at college 3 months before and it was during some bizarre circumstances, guess that should have been the first clue. When we met, I was lugging an oxygen tank and using a cane. I was not looking for a "man", I was going back to school and had a foster teen at home, so I did not need any additional stress.
Al had just come back to town and was returning to college also.
If I may say so, marriage, let alone a relationship, was so far off my radar, Pluto would have been closer. I especially felt that due to the disability issues I had, I would not want to burden someone. Al says it has not been a burden, but then he is also good at denial.
We made our food for the wedding and had it in the back yard of the house we were renting. It was simple, but the type of wedding we wanted. It was a hot day, 95 degrees, and luckily the rain held off till midnight.
I have been asked if I would do it over again and I have to honestly say, I am not sure. I am sure that I love Al and that I would not want to live with out him, and that I have never had anyone love me the way he does. I can also say that I have never had family support and Al has always been supportive of me. But, if I had the knowledge of the painful and sorrowful events that we have endured, I don't think I would be strong enough to face them. I guess that is when ignorance is bliss.
One of the most important things for me to do this year was to get out of the abyss that we have been in for the past decade.
This is a difficult thing to do because inertia can set in and prevent action.
I took action by making sure a friend who was moving to the East coast knew how much I loved and appreciated her. Al and I decided to take her to dinner before she left and put to rest any questions she or we had regarding our relationship. It was a wonderful dinner and it created a peace in me that I had longed for. I was so glad that I decided to do-over the relationship, it is a worthwhile relationship that was needed in my life.
So when someone says that they can not fix a relationship, maybe that is true, especially if it is toxic, but one that has just kind of slipped away can be worked on.
One's life is in constant change, people come and go at different stages, but I find some people go with the fluidity of life. My hope is that the flow in my life will have less ripples and becomes smooth.
