Sad Heart

For the past few days I have been dealing with a very sad heart.  My friend Theresa Arini is on life support and her husband Vincent is by her side since it happened last Tuesday.  Things are not looking promising and it so saddens me.  When I talked with her a few months ago we were going to get together after she moved.


I had the privilege to meet Theresa about 15 years ago at a Woman and Disabilities conference.  We hit it off right away and enjoyed our time together.  We kept in touch and after I got my job at at CIL she came in for some services.  Later she got hired at the CIL so we became work buddies.  Both of us had breathing issues, and we both used mobility devices.

We found that our working conditions were fraught with dangers and had a toxic effect on us. There were many discussions on how abusive and intolerant some of the other employees were to other people with disabilities.  The irony was, we were working at at  CIL, we were to be the advocates for those with disability issues.

Theresa had quite a few disability issues to deal with on a daily basis and yet she did it.  She became my  hero and I told her so.  She is 13 years younger than me but since birth had to overcome and deal with life threatening issues.
There was one thing I loved about Theresa and that was her sense of humor.  Sometimes she would wheel into my office and ask if I could but her shoe back on her artificial leg, she could not bend the foot.   She said that some of the other employees wee not comfortable helping her.  A couple of other times she would come into the office and whisper, "could you help me put my leg back on?".  I agreed and we would go to the bathroom, both of us in our mobility units wheeling down the hall, and help her reattach her leg.  Other times she needed some help with her oxygen tanks and I would help her switch them over.  YET, Theresa worked 40 hours a week, and she did so because she loved her work.  
When the CIL made it too toxic for her (and me too), she was devastated, but went on to getting a job with the state, better pay and people.

Theresa was almost finished with her Master's Degree from Wayne State University, she said she just had some funding issues left.  Quite frankly I think WSU should have just given her the degree for living the life she had. 


I found some pictures of Theresa on her FB page and am including them here.....

This is Theresa about 1972............

The Theresa I worked with

 A picture from her sister

When ever I think I have it bad, Theresa comes to mind and I shame myself for feeling pity.  Theresa and Vince travel, have great family and are always active.

A few months ago when I talked with Theresa she expressed her concern that her heart was not doing well at all and that her breathing was giving her grief.  I understood what she was saying and we discussed how we struggled with these issues.  Both of us felt that we were a burden to our spouses and wished that we had easier lives.  I was looking forward to coming up to see her and regret that the summer gave me so much trouble this year.

I have one wish for Theresa and that is she be peaceful and without pain.  I am not sure what God has planned for her, but I know my heart hurts because of her struggles and the pain that Vince is going through now.  My prayers are for both of them.

Anniversary a Miracle

Well miracles do happen and today is proof, we made it another year.  It  always amazes me when we get to our anniversary that we made it another year.  Our life has been full of so much tragedy and sorrow that survival is sometimes the only function we run on.  Al and I discussed last night the night before our wedding events and how poor we were, we had $25.00 to get married on and he still carries the Canadian $2.00 bill that was left over.  For the money we got across the border into Canada, bought our license and went to McDonald's for lunch.  As we ate we shared the table with someone who told us about a minister who might marry us.  We had no idea what we were getting into, or what to expect.  We started our marriage out with an adventure and have not stop having them since, some really bad ones and some really good ones, and crave for just medium at times.
We met at college 3 months before and it was during some bizarre circumstances, guess that should have been the first clue.  When we met, I was lugging an oxygen tank and using a cane. I was not looking for a "man", I was going back to school and had a foster teen at home, so I did not need any additional stress.
Al had just come back to town and was returning to college also.

If I may say so, marriage, let alone a relationship, was so far off my radar, Pluto would have been closer.  I especially felt that due to the disability issues I had, I would not want to burden someone.  Al says it has not been a burden, but then he is also good at denial.

We made our food for the wedding and had it in the back yard of the house we were renting.  It was simple, but the type of wedding we wanted.  It was a hot day, 95 degrees, and luckily the rain held off till midnight.

I have been asked if I would do it over again and I have to honestly say, I am not sure.  I am sure that I love Al and that I would not want to live with out him, and that I have never had anyone love me the way he does.  I can also say that I have never had family support and Al has always been supportive of me.  But, if I had the knowledge of the painful and sorrowful events that we have endured, I don't think I would be strong enough to face them.  I guess that is when ignorance is bliss.