Official Senior Status

Well, the full reality that I am an official senior citizen, albeit a young one, was the letter from Social Security wanting to know if I was applying for retirement benefits now.  I sat with the letter in my hand today and just laughed.  Retirement? Me?  What do I retire from... a hell of a life?  That would be a gift...that is for sure.  But I am a realist, and know that I would not be totally free of it.  But could I retire?  Well, the answer is no.  Because I took care of Al's uncle for 15 years without pay, and was a foster mom for years, without pay, and I took care of my mom for two years without pay...I really don't have enough credits to make it worthwhile.  I still cannot get any Medicare for another 3 years, so the small amount  I can get now will not cover any health insurance premiums. My answer was mailed back today, and I had to say no. Is that a mistake?  Who knows?  My brother just died at 66 years, and I doubt he collected much of his Social Security for all the years he worked.  I have other friends who have died before retirement.

So how does Social Security become an entitlement?  If you die before you are eligible, nobody gets it. Well, that is, almost no one, if you are married and have kids, your family can get it.  But if you have no kids, are not married, and have no dependents, then the government gets it.  Wait, is this the same government that wants to cut Social Security, Medicare and other senior benefits?  They want to continue to give money to those who do not need it, but will not help those who are homeless, hungry and have dire medical needs unless they fit very rigid rules that often has no relation to reality.   Such as when someone tries to get disability from a program they have been paying into for that reason.

I have been through a lot of elections, and it seems to me, that the government that we are electing is getting further and further away from the citizens and closer to an oligarchy.

Tomorrow I become an official senior, one that is NOT retiring, because it seems to me that there is more work to do now than there was when I was younger.  Personally I think my generation really screwed up, especially when we became more obsessed with possessions than people.  I am not sure I can change or fix some of the screw ups, but I am willing to work at trying.

Taken to task

Well it is really interesting to be taken to task so early in my blogging experience.
Mike has said that I could not "not survived" if I am here, therefore I survived.  Well I suppose if you follow the description of the word survive per the Standard Dictionary I have in my lap, he could be close if he applied this to a normal person.  According to the book, the definition is such: Survive-1. To remain alive, or in existence. 2. To live or exist beyond the death, occurrence, or end of; outlive;outlast.  Strictly speaking, I guess I have done some of that.

But for me, to survive means to be at the same level as before the traumatic event, and thus I do not feel I have always survived.  

My life have been full of traumatic events, I got polio at 6 months and 12 years old.  My paternal grandfather sexually molested and tortured me from the age of 4 till 12.  I lost my father the week of my 13th birthday.  My mother remarried a man who was abusive.  I ended up with an abusive  1st marriage, and while escaping from him was in a bad auto accident. After getting divorced I went to work in a summer camp and was beaten and raped and left to die.  After recovering from that, I went to college, and while asleep, my apartment while it was burning down around me.  The fire dept recovered a body, I was told, not rescue a victim.  And the government said that because I had died, I no longer existed, so I had to pick a new name and get a new Social Security number.  So who has survived?


So am I a survivor? I don't really view experiencing these events as being successful.   Yes I was, and am, alive, but I hardly call this surviving.  I have days when I can not breathe, walk or function.  I struggle through PTSD at times.  I sometimes must live a very isolated life.  My immune system sucks.  Many times, so does my attitude.


I have had successes; I managed (with Al's help) to finally get my degree from U of M.  I helped fight a legal battle against my husband by the USPS, and we won. I have won some wonderful funky awards for costuming.  And I will be married for 28 years on Sunday.


With all the trauma I have had, at least I have a sense of humor....warped as Hell at times, but it is mine.