My Realization

I was editing some pictures to up load to Ancestry for the family history when I saw a couple of new pictures of my brother Dennis who had just died.  I was shocked and appalled at what I saw:  I saw an old man.  After my initial shock I decided to go through some more of my pictures and some other pictures I came across.  What I realized is that Dennis became an old man in front of everyone and maybe no one noticed.  I had not seen Dennis in over two years so the decline was dramatic.

I then decided to go through pictures of my Mom who had just died  1 1/2 years ago and the similarity of decline was amazing.  Within two years Mom became old before our eyes, and even though I thought I had caught it I did not fully.

Then I pulled out pictures of my sister Rose who had died from a brain tumor, and the difference is there too. 


So next I went through some pictures of Al and myself, and was totally blow away, the changes are so noticeable when you look back. 


We don't really see ourselves. The people who are closest to us don't notice the changes like someone who had not seen you in a while.  I think maybe because you see someone everyday you just become used to the person, I don't think it is because you don't care.  I wonder if our brains are wired to ignore the small signs.  Does the brain do this to prepare us for the upcoming death?   Or is it because we are wired to be afraid of death, and are in denial?  I really don't know the why, the realization that it is going on right before our eyes is shocking.

So I have a couple of suggestions:

1.  Get pictures taken every year, and at the beginning of the New Year look at lasts years picture to see how you or the family member has changed.  Was it a normal aging change?  Or is there a look in the eyes or posture that has changed that concerns you?  The most important change I now see in Mom's and Dennis's pictures is they lost the sparkle in their eyes, and their smiles did not light up the room.  Rose was only 32, but she looked much older and also had lost her smile.  These three especially had full faced smiles that could light up a room.

2.  If you see a change that is worrying, tell the person and maybe suggest they see a doctor if you think it is medical.  If the doctor says it is no big deal, maybe get a second opinion, doctors can be wrong.  Trust me doctors can really be wrong, they were for Rose and my Mother.  Had to change doctors a couple of times.

3.  Do the same thing for yourself, most of us do not look at ourselves, except to see how we are dressed, etc.  Be honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with vanity.  It could save your life.

As we all know, we can't get out of life alive....death will happen, but maybe, just maybe we can improve the quality of one's life with some foresight....maybe.

As someone who took care of three family members while they were dying, I thought I was pretty informed, but maybe nobody can be fully knowledgeable.  As an example, here is an interesting article I found today.....
http://gma.yahoo.com/wife-slips-madness-husband-dies-brain-tumor-170825388--abc-news.html  

My hope is that no one has to go through this or other too early deaths.  I hope some of these thought will help you.

Rose Marie

Rose Marie is my only sister and she died today in 1989.........it is shocking to see how much time has gone by......
When she was born I was the happiest kid in the world, I finally got a sister...I already had three brothers and felt it was time.
Rose was born July 2nd and as a result for years thought the fireworks going during the 4th was for her..........especially after she was 3 and her big brother took her downtown to see the fireworks at the Detroit river.
Rose was a talented artist, accomplished horsewoman and loved living outdoors and experiencing the wild.  She lived for years in Alaska and raised some of her own food.  She also worked on fishing ships and hunted.  All in all she was a "Renaissance Woman".

My mother told me she did not know how she ended up with such daughters.  Mom said her daughters had "more balls" then her sons.
I do not know why my sister and I had such hard lives and why I did not have the gift of growing older with her.  When she was dying she told me that she wanted me to be her power of attorney and to fight her fights for her because she knew I would not fail her.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Because of our Mother being married to someone Rose did not trust, she did not want Mom to be put in a difficult place.  Like she told me, Mom would not be able to help her without backlash from her husband.  When I had to corner the doctor to tell us the truth, how long did she have.....would she live long enough for her brother's birthday on the 4th, the doctor did not want to tell me the truth.  Rose was in a coma at this time and both her brothers made it back home in time to say good by.  Her older brother's birthday was on the 4th of Oct, she died at 12:02am on the 5th of Oct., she hung in long enough so she would not die on her brother's birthday.  I guess Mom is right, Rose really had some balls.

I miss my little sister, I loved her with my whole heart and think about how lucky I was to have her for 32 years.  As I sit here crying because of how much I miss you Rose, I also have joy in my heart because I did what you asked me to do Rose and that is fight for your dignity.

So my little Rosey Posey Pudding and Pie, Thank You for being part of my heart and having blessed me for the years I had with you.