Today I got a text from my younger brother, Harold, that my older brother Dennis had died last night. I was not surprised. Denny had struggled with health issues the last few years. Denny was only 66. It was sad that we had not talked in over a year, but at my mother's funeral Dennis decided he never wanted to talk with me again. He had gotten some wrong information, and emotions exploded. We had words, and they were not nice words. Dennis sent me an email that stated he never wanted to have contact again, and I honored his wishes.
Despite all of this I loved Dennis totally. He could be a very difficult person, but he had been my hero when I was younger, and my partner when we got older and had to take care of the younger kids.
Denny holding RoseDenny was smart, witty and human. He lived an adventurous life, many times coming close to death. He had been in a coma for weeks once in the 70's after an auto accident. He lived life large and hard, so he pushed the edge a lot.
Denny and Harold 1955We had the common bond of being the "other parents" and even until recently called the younger brothers and sister "The Little Kids".
Will I miss him? Yes, on some levels, but I lost him over a year ago. Do I wish he had responded to an attempt to make amends last year? Yes, I do. But my reality is that turning the other cheek only resulted in getting slapped again. It is not unusual for family trauma to create a chasm, but I had figured with all of our trauma there would still be a connection. I was wrong.
My advice to anyone is this: make sure you are comfortable with your words, and who you tell them to, because you might find out they are the last words you have together.
Rest in Peace my Big Brother DJ....You will always be in my heart, I shall always remember that wicked smile and wonderful laugh you had. I always loved your hugs and kisses. Thank you for serving this country during the Vietnam era in the Air Force. Thank you for your intelligence that helped make things safe for this country. Thank you for having two beautiful daughters and three beautiful granddaughters.
Rest in peace......Dennis Jay
It's pretty sad that you would take an event like this and try to make it about yourself and bring up things that were better off left alone. If you would like, I can publish the actual emails that you sent. You would not look so self righteous then.
ReplyDeleteHonor and remember Dennis in your own way and not on a public forum. Many, many, many people loved Dennis as he loved them in return. He was not spiteful, just reactionary to ridiculous accusations and self made drama by you.
Since you like to give advice, I'll give some in return. Someday you may find your self all alone with NOBODY to help you......and that won't be by accident, you reap what you sow.
YOUR perception is YOUR reality, don't try to make YOUR perception actual reality, you only look foolish in doing so.
Terry,
ReplyDeleteApparently that fact that I loved him and honored him for who he was didn't come through. As for myself, I thought he deserved to be recognized as a strong, adventurous human being, who despite his and my flaws was an influence in my life. As to emails, maybe the theory that there are three sides to a story is true, mine, his and the event that happened. NO one is right or wrong in their perceptions. As always, the dynamics of the situation were based on the information I was given.
I guess you could not read the Thank you to him, for being himself. My emotions are for the grief the girls will be going through.
As to advice, I put in a cautionary message because I did miss having him in my life for the past year and a half.
If you bothered to read any other posts, you will notice I have honored all those who I have lost, that is 3 brothers, 1 sister and a mother and father.
Terry, I am sorry you took this as a negative, it was not.