I woke up today breathing and on the blade side of the grass, so I know it is a beautiful day.
My hope is that everyone has a beautiful day today....
Enjoy.....
http://player.vimeo.com/video/27920977?title=0&%3bbyline=0&%3bportrait=0href=
Collage
My Many Sides
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
My Angel
Well this day started out to be so horrible that I was not sure I would make it.
I woke up at 3am gasping for air, my bi-pap had stopped working. My heart was racing as I was struggling to get some air. My oxygen concentrator was plugged in so I could get my oxygen level up, but it was not working right. Things were going downhill so rapid we did not know if I would live the next few hours. My pulse ox had dropped to 82 and my heart rate was at 156, things were just horrible. We think there might have been a brownout that blew my fuse. I have been struggling for the past few days because of the exposure to carbon monoxide from the furnace, so did not need this bs.
I have a portable oxygen concentrator but it was acting up because it could not go to the 4 liters I was needing. I just hoped we could find someone to fix my large machine. That did not happen, my machine is over 10 years old.
I was gasping for air till 10am and we managed to get me to up to 90 on my pulse ox, I told Al he could go to school and if I needed him I would call him.
Needless to say, our wake up was bad, high adrenaline to say the least. Poor Al was woke up with me gasping and begging for help.
After we got up and I could make some sense I started to trying and find a place for help. Whenever I could breathe a little I would call places trying to get my machine repaired, or rent one. The trouble is I have no insurance and without it, can not rent. I put out calls to everyone that might know someone, and just kept calling and looking on line. The company that I had bought my machine in 2002 was out of business.
I did have a repair man's card who had worked with the company that I had bought my machine, Gary had did the yearly maintenance on it until the past couple of years when I could not afford it. I found his card after trying to remember where I might have it. Gary did not do the maintenance on oxygen machines anymore, but said he would check around and see if he could find me a used one. He called me back a couple of hours later and got me a deal of a life time. He is my angel, without him I know I would not be getting through the night.
He helped us with information on how to repair my Bi-Pap, so now that is working. I can not sleep without it because of the Polio, my diaphragm is semi-paralyzed, so I hold onto my CO2 and turn blue. Life can really suck for me when my equipment starts to fail me.
So if anyone needs medical repairs or equipment I want to give you Gary's card.
Not only did he find me a new machine, it had been completely rebuilt, he delivered it to our house and set it up.
Gary is our Angel....Thank God I was able to find him.
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, need to find out why I am going sour......
I woke up at 3am gasping for air, my bi-pap had stopped working. My heart was racing as I was struggling to get some air. My oxygen concentrator was plugged in so I could get my oxygen level up, but it was not working right. Things were going downhill so rapid we did not know if I would live the next few hours. My pulse ox had dropped to 82 and my heart rate was at 156, things were just horrible. We think there might have been a brownout that blew my fuse. I have been struggling for the past few days because of the exposure to carbon monoxide from the furnace, so did not need this bs.
I have a portable oxygen concentrator but it was acting up because it could not go to the 4 liters I was needing. I just hoped we could find someone to fix my large machine. That did not happen, my machine is over 10 years old.
I was gasping for air till 10am and we managed to get me to up to 90 on my pulse ox, I told Al he could go to school and if I needed him I would call him.
Needless to say, our wake up was bad, high adrenaline to say the least. Poor Al was woke up with me gasping and begging for help.
After we got up and I could make some sense I started to trying and find a place for help. Whenever I could breathe a little I would call places trying to get my machine repaired, or rent one. The trouble is I have no insurance and without it, can not rent. I put out calls to everyone that might know someone, and just kept calling and looking on line. The company that I had bought my machine in 2002 was out of business.
I did have a repair man's card who had worked with the company that I had bought my machine, Gary had did the yearly maintenance on it until the past couple of years when I could not afford it. I found his card after trying to remember where I might have it. Gary did not do the maintenance on oxygen machines anymore, but said he would check around and see if he could find me a used one. He called me back a couple of hours later and got me a deal of a life time. He is my angel, without him I know I would not be getting through the night.
He helped us with information on how to repair my Bi-Pap, so now that is working. I can not sleep without it because of the Polio, my diaphragm is semi-paralyzed, so I hold onto my CO2 and turn blue. Life can really suck for me when my equipment starts to fail me.
So if anyone needs medical repairs or equipment I want to give you Gary's card.
Gary is our Angel....Thank God I was able to find him.
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, need to find out why I am going sour......
Monday, October 17, 2011
Carbon Monoxide
Well I can officially state that my life has too many events in it. I am so ready not to have any more excitement.
The last couple of weeks I have been battling with a bad tooth and some really nasty headaches, which I figured was the tooth, but I was again wrong.
The weather has been so up and down that we never thought too much about our furnace, but we figured it was getting old and it was a trouble at times. One thing that we found out this weekend was that we were getting carbon monoxide in the house and the pilot was out and we were getting gas in the house. I had told Al a couple of times that I smelled gas and he could not smell it.
I know that I have been getting weaker and had really bad headaches and did not think it would be the furnace. The trouble with having numerous health issues is that a person does not always pay attention to things around us.
Now that we know what is wrong, the furnace is shut off and we spent the whole weekend with the windows and doors open. We will not be able to afford to fix the furnace so we are coming up with our electric heaters as a resource.
One of my nieces husband said he would check things out next week so we shall see what will happen.
If anyone is getting a lot of headaches and can't explain it, or feeling really extremely tired, make sure your furnace and hot water tank is vented right and the pilot is working, otherwise your life could end.
So in the mean time I would like to opt out of any more excitement.....peace and quiet would be greatly welcomed.
The last couple of weeks I have been battling with a bad tooth and some really nasty headaches, which I figured was the tooth, but I was again wrong.
The weather has been so up and down that we never thought too much about our furnace, but we figured it was getting old and it was a trouble at times. One thing that we found out this weekend was that we were getting carbon monoxide in the house and the pilot was out and we were getting gas in the house. I had told Al a couple of times that I smelled gas and he could not smell it.
I know that I have been getting weaker and had really bad headaches and did not think it would be the furnace. The trouble with having numerous health issues is that a person does not always pay attention to things around us.
Now that we know what is wrong, the furnace is shut off and we spent the whole weekend with the windows and doors open. We will not be able to afford to fix the furnace so we are coming up with our electric heaters as a resource.
One of my nieces husband said he would check things out next week so we shall see what will happen.
If anyone is getting a lot of headaches and can't explain it, or feeling really extremely tired, make sure your furnace and hot water tank is vented right and the pilot is working, otherwise your life could end.
So in the mean time I would like to opt out of any more excitement.....peace and quiet would be greatly welcomed.
Friday, October 7, 2011
William Edward
Today is my brother Bill's birthday, he would have been 56 today.
I lost Bill in 1993, time has a way of getting away it seems. Bill is my second little brother, he came into the world hard. Mom said when he was trying to deliver the nuns, who were nurses at the hospital she was in, would not let him be born and tied her legs shut. The nuns said Mom had to wait for the doctor. As a result of his hard birth Bill suffered some behavior problems due to lack of oxygen.
But I will say, he was beautiful as a baby and I loved to hold him and rock him. Bill needed a lot of holding and rocking, he could not keep food down or sleep well, he was so sick his first year Mom was afraid she would lose him. We lived in Indiana at the time and my father was away working for the railroad when Mom packed all four of us and drove us to Michigan to try and save her baby boy.
It was a very difficult trip, we had no money and when the car broke down a stranger helped to get it back on the road. Mom herself was sick and had 4 children, 10 and under she was trying to bring home to Michigan. The weather was horrible and yet she managed by sheer will to get us home. When we arrived Mom collapsed at Aunty Do's and my great-aunts took over. It was pure divine intervention that she was able to get Bill to a doctor in Michigan in a timely manner, he was dying from an inner ear infection and it had traveled through out his little body.
Bill always seemed to push the envelope all his life. He escaped some horrible events and had some terrible side effects as a result. Bill self medicated to get through his hell and when he came to live with us in 1992 I tried to help him, but he was too far gone to bring him back. Despite all the trouble Bill gave me, I always will love him and cherish the few years I had with him. He did not always have self control, and it was not always his fault, his demons were so hugh.
As I celebrated his birthday today, I hope he knows how much he was loved and cherished.
His one song we sang to him was ...
source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/miscellaneouslyrics/childsongslyrics/billyboylyrics.html
I lost Bill in 1993, time has a way of getting away it seems. Bill is my second little brother, he came into the world hard. Mom said when he was trying to deliver the nuns, who were nurses at the hospital she was in, would not let him be born and tied her legs shut. The nuns said Mom had to wait for the doctor. As a result of his hard birth Bill suffered some behavior problems due to lack of oxygen.
But I will say, he was beautiful as a baby and I loved to hold him and rock him. Bill needed a lot of holding and rocking, he could not keep food down or sleep well, he was so sick his first year Mom was afraid she would lose him. We lived in Indiana at the time and my father was away working for the railroad when Mom packed all four of us and drove us to Michigan to try and save her baby boy.
It was a very difficult trip, we had no money and when the car broke down a stranger helped to get it back on the road. Mom herself was sick and had 4 children, 10 and under she was trying to bring home to Michigan. The weather was horrible and yet she managed by sheer will to get us home. When we arrived Mom collapsed at Aunty Do's and my great-aunts took over. It was pure divine intervention that she was able to get Bill to a doctor in Michigan in a timely manner, he was dying from an inner ear infection and it had traveled through out his little body.
Bill always seemed to push the envelope all his life. He escaped some horrible events and had some terrible side effects as a result. Bill self medicated to get through his hell and when he came to live with us in 1992 I tried to help him, but he was too far gone to bring him back. Despite all the trouble Bill gave me, I always will love him and cherish the few years I had with him. He did not always have self control, and it was not always his fault, his demons were so hugh.
As I celebrated his birthday today, I hope he knows how much he was loved and cherished.
His one song we sang to him was ...
Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy,
Oh, where have you been, charming Billy?
I have been to seek a wife, she's the joy of my life,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
Oh, where have you been, charming Billy?
I have been to seek a wife, she's the joy of my life,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
Can she make a cherry pie, Billy Boy, Billy Boy,
Can she make a cherry pie, charming Billy?
She can make a cherry pie, quick as a cat can wink an eye,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
Can she make a cherry pie, charming Billy?
She can make a cherry pie, quick as a cat can wink an eye,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/miscellaneouslyrics/childsongslyrics/billyboylyrics.html
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cSQqCugnAhw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Happy Birthday Billy Boy.........
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Rose Marie
Rose Marie is my only sister and she died today in 1989.........it is shocking to see how much time has gone by......
When she was born I was the happiest kid in the world, I finally got a sister...I already had three brothers and felt it was time.
Rose was born July 2nd and as a result for years thought the fireworks going during the 4th was for her..........especially after she was 3 and her big brother took her downtown to see the fireworks at the Detroit river.
Rose was a talented artist, accomplished horsewoman and loved living outdoors and experiencing the wild. She lived for years in Alaska and raised some of her own food. She also worked on fishing ships and hunted. All in all she was a "Renaissance Woman".
My mother told me she did not know how she ended up with such daughters. Mom said her daughters had "more balls" then her sons.
I do not know why my sister and I had such hard lives and why I did not have the gift of growing older with her. When she was dying she told me that she wanted me to be her power of attorney and to fight her fights for her because she knew I would not fail her. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Because of our Mother being married to someone Rose did not trust, she did not want Mom to be put in a difficult place. Like she told me, Mom would not be able to help her without backlash from her husband. When I had to corner the doctor to tell us the truth, how long did she have.....would she live long enough for her brother's birthday on the 4th, the doctor did not want to tell me the truth. Rose was in a coma at this time and both her brothers made it back home in time to say good by. Her older brother's birthday was on the 4th of Oct, she died at 12:02am on the 5th of Oct., she hung in long enough so she would not die on her brother's birthday. I guess Mom is right, Rose really had some balls.
I miss my little sister, I loved her with my whole heart and think about how lucky I was to have her for 32 years. As I sit here crying because of how much I miss you Rose, I also have joy in my heart because I did what you asked me to do Rose and that is fight for your dignity.
So my little Rosey Posey Pudding and Pie, Thank You for being part of my heart and having blessed me for the years I had with you.
When she was born I was the happiest kid in the world, I finally got a sister...I already had three brothers and felt it was time.
Rose was born July 2nd and as a result for years thought the fireworks going during the 4th was for her..........especially after she was 3 and her big brother took her downtown to see the fireworks at the Detroit river.
Rose was a talented artist, accomplished horsewoman and loved living outdoors and experiencing the wild. She lived for years in Alaska and raised some of her own food. She also worked on fishing ships and hunted. All in all she was a "Renaissance Woman".
My mother told me she did not know how she ended up with such daughters. Mom said her daughters had "more balls" then her sons.
I do not know why my sister and I had such hard lives and why I did not have the gift of growing older with her. When she was dying she told me that she wanted me to be her power of attorney and to fight her fights for her because she knew I would not fail her. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Because of our Mother being married to someone Rose did not trust, she did not want Mom to be put in a difficult place. Like she told me, Mom would not be able to help her without backlash from her husband. When I had to corner the doctor to tell us the truth, how long did she have.....would she live long enough for her brother's birthday on the 4th, the doctor did not want to tell me the truth. Rose was in a coma at this time and both her brothers made it back home in time to say good by. Her older brother's birthday was on the 4th of Oct, she died at 12:02am on the 5th of Oct., she hung in long enough so she would not die on her brother's birthday. I guess Mom is right, Rose really had some balls.
I miss my little sister, I loved her with my whole heart and think about how lucky I was to have her for 32 years. As I sit here crying because of how much I miss you Rose, I also have joy in my heart because I did what you asked me to do Rose and that is fight for your dignity.
So my little Rosey Posey Pudding and Pie, Thank You for being part of my heart and having blessed me for the years I had with you.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Quiet
As we were moving our living room around we managed to kill off our house phone, didn't think much about it till realized that there was such quiet going on. It is funny but I find I am enjoying the silence more and more and have even considered getting the phone disconnected. We have our cell phones and just shut them off when we are home, that way things are calm.
I never realized how much I hate the phone till it was gone. I had to be on call 24/7 when Mom was sick and the phone could ring anytime night or day. I think that being on call like that made it impossible for me to sleep a full night for two years, and even a year later I still am on edge waiting for the phone to ring.
This society has become so accustomed to instant contact that I think people have forgotten about silence. Silence is so under rated, it gives a person the time to breath, to enjoy the world around them and to think. Now granted some people would think that that is hell, I don't. In fact I think I am going to experiment with no phones, computers, texting or tv on the weekends for the month, I will see how this goes.....
Considering the total mess I have started in the house, I am going to need the time....
I never realized how much I hate the phone till it was gone. I had to be on call 24/7 when Mom was sick and the phone could ring anytime night or day. I think that being on call like that made it impossible for me to sleep a full night for two years, and even a year later I still am on edge waiting for the phone to ring.
This society has become so accustomed to instant contact that I think people have forgotten about silence. Silence is so under rated, it gives a person the time to breath, to enjoy the world around them and to think. Now granted some people would think that that is hell, I don't. In fact I think I am going to experiment with no phones, computers, texting or tv on the weekends for the month, I will see how this goes.....
Considering the total mess I have started in the house, I am going to need the time....
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