Megan's Mulligan

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!

2012-02-22T15:24:00.000-05:00

Today Daddy would be 84....Happy Birthday Daddy....may you Rest in Peace...Harold Leslie Bibby is his name.

I never got to know my father as a senior citizen, he died when he was only 34. I always wondered what kind of grandfather he would have been. I always wondered how he would like the spouses his children chose. I always wondered what it would have been like to have lived with him the rest of my childhood and have him to filter out the "crappy" men as he used to call the men who were bad.

Daddy was a young man when he became a father, and he was even younger when he went to war. He became who he was because of the events in his life and these events colored his life at times. In reality he was a man, not a super hero, or magical person, but to me he was everything I could want as a daddy. I never got to the "Dad" stage of our relationship, he was still daddy to me when he died. Even my mother would tell me he was my daddy, not my dad, she said he never got to be anyone's "dad".

He had left Michigan during a financial crises for our family and made his way to California to try to get a job to help us. It was a bold thing to do in the early 60's and he was criticized for it badly. He was a Marine who had been trough two wars and and kept fighting his way to support his family. He loved us all, and yet struggled with the responsibilities that came with being a father of six kids and not having a job. He did what he had too, and my Mom said that she understood and forgave him for any of the troubles it caused her.
Now that I am a senior citizen I think of all the tragedy that I have endured in my life and wonder how I managed to get here. I wonder if there would have been less tragedy if Daddy had lived and we grew up in California. That is just a wonder.

Happy Birthday Daddy....hope you are having a kick ass day with Mom, Rose, Bobby and Billy.......I will love you always.

New fun

2012-02-12T13:27:00.000-05:00

Having fun with a new program.....

http://www.photoshow.com/watch/Wf7WY6aD

http://www.photoshow.com/watch/zZ4XV3ZH

A Pivotal Moment

2012-02-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Today in 1963 became a pivotal moment for me. My father was killed in an automobile accident on the way to the airport to pick up his whole family for the new life he had prepared for us in California. Daddy was only 34, yet had served in two wars and was the father of 6 children at his death.

This was in 1956 but there was only 4 of us at this time.

RIP daddy, I will always miss you

Ooooh Shiny !

2012-02-05T18:08:00.000-05:00

I found some of my shiny stones, the ones I had for the settings I have up on Ebay...Now I just have to break the big pictures down to individuals.....that will take some hours of editing.....

Can't set the gemstones anymore, or wire wrap them because of my hands....hope other artist will be able to have fun with them.

Great Expressions

2012-02-03T18:57:00.000-05:00

Well today I got rid of some of my pain...I got a quick visit with my dentist at Great Expressions...Dr. Opie, yes that is his name. He is really great and gentle, plus has a great sense of humor. His staff is wonderful and I was lucky today that he could help with one of my issues. He is hoping to get an oral surgeon to pull my one tooth so the abscessed tooth I have been dealing with since Sept. 2011. Not have health and dental insurance can really create trouble.

Now that my mouth is not so bad, I need to fix up the rest of my body. We have created a plan for the two of us and hope to put it into action this week.

We are so lucky to have some great people in our lives and look forward to seeing them.

4 Letter Word

2012-02-02T17:44:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of 4 letter words that people consider cursing and the one that I hate the most is PAIN....

The last few days have been full of pain for me and I could really do without it. I hate Polio...and all of it's pain. I am not afraid to say that I hate it, it won't make it worse to say so or better...it just is.

Today I could not get up till 12:30pm because my body said no, it had kept me up till 3:30am. I have not slept in the past few nights and it makes me crabby...really crabby.

Some days I handle with grace and dignity, but today is one of those days I wish I could take a pill and make the pain go away, unfortunately there is no pill for this pain. The cold and dampness of Michigan is a killer and I hope we can leave and find a better climate, for myself and for Al's pain.

It is been researched that when one member of a marriage is in constant pain, the other member walks away about 65-70%. When you have two people in non-treatable pain there does not seem to be research to figure it out.

Someday I hope that Al and I can sleep through the night, wake up refreshed and just have a wonderful pain free life. I have been told by doctors that will only happen when we die. Me, I am still interested in proving the medical world wrong and retire with my honey and watch beautiful sunsets.

I Really Did Make It !!!!!

2012-01-29T16:54:00.000-05:00

1950...no hair, Mom was horrified I would be bald.

My father carried this picture that Aunt Janet took of me at 3 in his wallet till he died. I was 13 he he was killed. Mom said he so loved the picture that he had the current year's one over it.

By God, I made it. It is a reality that I can say with certainty I am always amazed every time I wake up on this side of the grass. What confuses me is is why. I can not figure out why me. Today I turned 62, but I started out this year with two brothers and before the middle of this month, I had only one. Harold is the only brother left of four, and my sister is also gone. The weirdness of this does befuddle me. Why me? I have been in a morgue, and died on the surgery table 4 times, but I am still here. Have I done something wrong and must pay for it by watching my family die? Or is it as Mom said, "You are the one to tell the truth."

The truth teller. What truth should I tell? Should I tell the whole, real truth about my family, warts and all? Or should I tell the varnished truth, just bits of the story that have been carefully selected?

As I sit here going through old family photos, I wonder why I am doing this anymore. The people in these photos are almost all dead, just one or two left. The grandchildren and great-grandchildren of my parents don't even know who these people are. I have spent over 40 years collecting stories, records and documents to write the story of my family. But which family do I write about? The family that was poor, happy but intact before my dad died?

Mom and Dad 1961

Or the new family that was formed after my father was killed, just Mom and her kids?

Bill, Harold, Bobby, Rose, Sooty and Tiger 1963. My favorite picture of my little brothers and sister.

Dennis and Mom 1963.

Ironically all the people in the above pictures except for Harold, are gone. My heart breaks with sadness at times, but I also cherish all of them forever, even when bad things happened between us.

Or the "UNBLENDED" group that was the result of my mother remarrying a year and a half later.

Official Senior Status

2012-01-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

Well, the full reality that I am an official senior citizen, albeit a young one, was the letter from Social Security wanting to know if I was applying for retirement benefits now. I sat with the letter in my hand today and just laughed. Retirement? Me? What do I retire from... a hell of a life? That would be a gift...that is for sure. But I am a realist, and know that I would not be totally free of it. But could I retire? Well, the answer is no. Because I took care of Al's uncle for 15 years without pay, and was a foster mom for years, without pay, and I took care of my mom for two years without pay...I really don't have enough credits to make it worthwhile. I still cannot get any Medicare for another 3 years, so the small amount I can get now will not cover any health insurance premiums. My answer was mailed back today, and I had to say no. Is that a mistake? Who knows? My brother just died at 66 years, and I doubt he collected much of his Social Security for all the years he worked. I have other friends who have died before retirement.

So how does Social Security become an entitlement? If you die before you are eligible, nobody gets it. Well, that is, almost no one, if you are married and have kids, your family can get it. But if you have no kids, are not married, and have no dependents, then the government gets it. Wait, is this the same government that wants to cut Social Security, Medicare and other senior benefits? They want to continue to give money to those who do not need it, but will not help those who are homeless, hungry and have dire medical needs unless they fit very rigid rules that often has no relation to reality. Such as when someone tries to get disability from a program they have been paying into for that reason.

I have been through a lot of elections, and it seems to me, that the government that we are electing is getting further and further away from the citizens and closer to an oligarchy.

Tomorrow I become an official senior, one that is NOT retiring, because it seems to me that there is more work to do now than there was when I was younger. Personally I think my generation really screwed up, especially when we became more obsessed with possessions than people. I am not sure I can change or fix some of the screw ups, but I am willing to work at trying.

Epic Confusion

2012-01-25T15:53:00.000-05:00

Well we did it, we actually went out and had some fun, first time in years....and did it feel good.

Was able to get to Epic Confusion, a Science Fiction convention on the weekend as vendors. Have not been able to vendor for years, just not strong enough, plus all the drama that was involved with Mom.

Angie and Rick Fox were the ones who ran the dealers room and they did a great job. Angie set me up so my chair was not a problem and I could wheel in and out without trouble.

Set-up was a smooth job and and so was tear down. Al and I were able to really relax and enjoy all the people we have missed seeing over the past few years. We had some wonderful conversations and met some great new people.

We did find out that we got tired, really tired. In fact we came home and went to bed at 6:00pm the first night and 5:30pm the second. We are soooo out of shape....Wish we were stronger, would love to go back on the show circuit...it was fun but also major league work. Of course I also wish the economy would support that kind of life again, but it does not.

Here is how we were able to set up our tables.

Unfortunately we did not have any lights....next time lighting will help so much

My Realization

2012-01-17T13:12:00.000-05:00

I was editing some pictures to up load to Ancestry for the family history when I saw a couple of new pictures of my brother Dennis who had just died. I was shocked and appalled at what I saw: I saw an old man. After my initial shock I decided to go through some more of my pictures and some other pictures I came across. What I realized is that Dennis became an old man in front of everyone and maybe no one noticed. I had not seen Dennis in over two years so the decline was dramatic.

I then decided to go through pictures of my Mom who had just died 1 1/2 years ago and the similarity of decline was amazing. Within two years Mom became old before our eyes, and even though I thought I had caught it I did not fully.

Then I pulled out pictures of my sister Rose who had died from a brain tumor, and the difference is there too.

So next I went through some pictures of Al and myself, and was totally blow away, the changes are so noticeable when you look back.

We don't really see ourselves. The people who are closest to us don't notice the changes like someone who had not seen you in a while. I think maybe because you see someone everyday you just become used to the person, I don't think it is because you don't care. I wonder if our brains are wired to ignore the small signs. Does the brain do this to prepare us for the upcoming death? Or is it because we are wired to be afraid of death, and are in denial? I really don't know the why, the realization that it is going on right before our eyes is shocking.

So I have a couple of suggestions:

1. Get pictures taken every year, and at the beginning of the New Year look at lasts years picture to see how you or the family member has changed. Was it a normal aging change? Or is there a look in the eyes or posture that has changed that concerns you? The most important change I now see in Mom's and Dennis's pictures is they lost the sparkle in their eyes, and their smiles did not light up the room. Rose was only 32, but she looked much older and also had lost her smile. These three especially had full faced smiles that could light up a room.

2. If you see a change that is worrying, tell the person and maybe suggest they see a doctor if you think it is medical. If the doctor says it is no big deal, maybe get a second opinion, doctors can be wrong. Trust me doctors can really be wrong, they were for Rose and my Mother. Had to change doctors a couple of times.

3. Do the same thing for yourself, most of us do not look at ourselves, except to see how we are dressed, etc. Be honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with vanity. It could save your life.

As we all know, we can't get out of life alive....death will happen, but maybe, just maybe we can improve the quality of one's life with some foresight....maybe.

As someone who took care of three family members while they were dying, I thought I was pretty informed, but maybe nobody can be fully knowledgeable. As an example, here is an interesting article I found today.....
http://gma.yahoo.com/wife-slips-madness-husband-dies-brain-tumor-170825388--abc-news.html

My hope is that no one has to go through this or other too early deaths. I hope some of these thought will help you.

Reality, Perception and Actuality

2012-01-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

I got a terse response to my tribute to my brother Dennis who had just died. The person who composed it was a peripheral family member and his perception was that it was negative. That was not my goal.

BUT, there is one thing that the I have learned, many times people do not READ what is WRITTEN....emotion has an interesting filter that can really misinterpret what someone SAYS. I have found that the internet has caused a lot of problems with communication between people because of lack of body language. We are losing the skill to communicate it seems on many levels.

How one grieves is specific to the person and no one has a right to dictate as what method of grief is appropriate. I chose to honor the brother I had loved, but was honest about our relationship.

I still say Thank You Dennis for being you....

My reality, perception and actuality are mine, they might not jive with anyone else's, but I do accept them and live with them. I guess it can make other people uncomfortable when a person takes responsibility for their own actions.

Dennis Jay Harshman Good by Big Brother RIP

2012-01-13T17:27:00.000-05:00

Denny 1954, he is in the center, with the new baby Harold...I am next to him with the curls.

Today I got a text from my younger brother, Harold, that my older brother Dennis had died last night. I was not surprised. Denny had struggled with health issues the last few years. Denny was only 66. It was sad that we had not talked in over a year, but at my mother's funeral Dennis decided he never wanted to talk with me again. He had gotten some wrong information, and emotions exploded. We had words, and they were not nice words. Dennis sent me an email that stated he never wanted to have contact again, and I honored his wishes.

Despite all of this I loved Dennis totally. He could be a very difficult person, but he had been my hero when I was younger, and my partner when we got older and had to take care of the younger kids.

Harold and meDenny holding Rose

Denny and Harold 1955

Denny was smart, witty and human. He lived an adventurous life, many times coming close to death. He had been in a coma for weeks once in the 70's after an auto accident. He lived life large and hard, so he pushed the edge a lot.

We had the common bond of being the "other parents" and even until recently called the younger brothers and sister "The Little Kids".

Will I miss him? Yes, on some levels, but I lost him over a year ago. Do I wish he had responded to an attempt to make amends last year? Yes, I do. But my reality is that turning the other cheek only resulted in getting slapped again. It is not unusual for family trauma to create a chasm, but I had figured with all of our trauma there would still be a connection. I was wrong.

My advice to anyone is this: make sure you are comfortable with your words, and who you tell them to, because you might find out they are the last words you have together.

Rest in Peace my Big Brother DJ....You will always be in my heart, I shall always remember that wicked smile and wonderful laugh you had. I always loved your hugs and kisses. Thank you for serving this country during the Vietnam era in the Air Force. Thank you for your intelligence that helped make things safe for this country. Thank you for having two beautiful daughters and three beautiful granddaughters.

Rest in peace......Dennis Jay

Friday the 13th

2012-01-13T03:09:00.000-05:00

Well the first alert to the type of day I was going to have was Gabby crawled up to my pillow and laid her head on my head. I think she had a feeling today would be weird and she wanted to give me some comfort before I got up.

I had trouble getting moving because the rain just made everything on my body ache and my breathing sucked, but after about an hour I was dressed and up.

Today is Al's "long" day, so he packed up his stuff for school and headed off. I would not see him again till 10pm.

After yesterday's headache with the computer, trying to get trojans and viruses to behave I thought maybe, just maybe I had finally got things working. So wrong Don Pardo....So wrong. I spend the next few hours working AGAIN to try and get things right. My security comes up with Exploit Blackhole, whatever the hell that is.....Also once talked about Cloud...good golly what is the matter with these nutjobs who write these programs....didn't they get any morals and values?

I had hoped to edit some more artwork for the show I am doing next week, but that did not happen.

SOOOO I decided to make myself some popcorn, get a glass of juice and curl up in the chair with Gabby and watch Dr. Oz. Now that really was my idea....really....

What happened instead was I put the popcorn in the microwave, set it, it said up to 4 minutes, turned got a glass, walked over to fill it with water and juice. When I turned around there was smoke billowing out of the microwave, actually a really large amount. The microwave had only been on for 1 min 24 seconds. I quickly shut off the microwave and opened the door when flames started coming out. I grabbed the bag to douse it but could not get to the sink I needed, so I rushed to the window and threw out the flaming bag. I had grabbed Gabby under my arm and was heading for the front door to get out in case there would be more fire. I was not sure if the microwave was going to catch fire and the only thing I cared about was getting out with her. After a few minutes I came back in and realized that the smoked filled house and kitchen was just from the bag of popcorn and nothing else. This I was really happy about, the stinky smoke on a rainy day I was not happy about.

So I kind of figured that I would be opening up the windows and using fans for a while, but unfortunately the smoke just hung in the air. So I am sorry to say I have had to use my oxygen and the house smells like an old dank smoked filled bar.

I thought I should warn Al about my "little" adventure when he called so he would not freak out when he got home. The poor guy....if it isn't the craziness at school, it is is wife. Who said being married was boring, never lived with us. I told him that I was not going to cook myself dinner, I would eat peanut butter and jelly and I was just going to lay down with Gabby and rest till he came home. Al thought that was a good idea.

So because of the adrenaline rush, I can't sleep, plus my oxygen machine is noisy. I thought I could do some art but I am shaking a little too much. So after get threats of Trojans by my security AVG, I am doubting I am having a very good beginning to Friday the 13th.....Maybe I will get tired enough that I will just crawl back to bed and crash...one can only hope.

So I hope that everyone has a nice Friday the 13th....My little black cat, Gabby will be keeping me safe.

The final Days are close

2012-01-10T19:08:00.000-05:00

It is with great relief to know that Al is in his final term and he will be done with WSU in four months. It is unbelievable that we are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT an oncoming train.

Everyone is always saying, "Go back to school", but what they forget to tell you is about the little Napoleons that are called professors at a university. It is very disheartening to witness such horrible behavior from the so called "educators" that are there to enhance a person's education, not belittle a student, or put the professor's personal life likes or dislikes as the be all and end all.

I think the fact that WSU is having such low numbers for graduates has something to do with it's practices and who they hire for profs.

Al had always wanted to learn about his favorite subject, but the last term made him feel like he was in the wrong field. I am so hopeful that this final term will not be the nightmare he had last term, because I suffered along with him.

I am so looking forward to a good year this year, hoping to get things right after a decade of hell.

Can't seem to fix things

2012-01-05T21:00:00.002-05:00

My lack of computer programing is making it hard for me to fix my postings. I guess I will just have to leave them the way they have become.

Messing things up

2012-01-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

Well I just messed up all the photos on my blog...boohoo...now I have to figure out how to fix it

Finally Made IT.....Yeah

2011-12-31T18:45:00.001-05:00

2011 is almost over, and I can come out of hiding.....Tomorrow.

I will not miss 2011, it was a terrible year for us...it started out with losing one kitty and by Oct we had lost 3. Rest in Peace, Sally, Ada Jane and Shadow.

A treasured friend died this year also and I am so tired of death.

For the past 18 months Al and I have dealt with death so much it is hard to think in a positive way. It started with my mother's death in July of 2010, with Al's mom in Oct 2010, and it did not stop. We attended many funerals for veterans and active duty military in the past year, and feel honored to have stood flag line, but saddened to have to be there.

After the hellacious term Al had in college this Fall, and struggling with health issues, I decided that after Christmas Day I was taking refuge in the house till the New Year. I have not even poked my nose outside since then. I didn't feel safe enough to push my luck this last week. All I can say is that I am so lucky to have Al as my backup.

I hope that everyone out there has a Safe, Healthy and Happy New Year and that 2012 will be positive for all.

Megan, Al and Gabrielle

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T20:12:00.003-05:00

Mom and Dad 1958

Christmas Eve is always a bittersweet night for me since 1977.

I used to love Christmas Eve especially after 1960. In 1960 we were waiting for Santa with bated breath. It had gotten dark early that night, and my little brothers and sister were getting excited because Santa was due. He was really coming to our house. We were all a little sad though, because Mommy and Daddy were not there. Mommy had gone to the hospital to have a baby on the 19th. Robert Paul was born, yet back then ( I know, the way back machine, women were allowed to stay in the hospital for about a week after having a baby) Mommy was not going to be home for Christmas... at least that is what I thought.

There was a knock on the door, and when my brother opened it up, we had the delight of our lives. In walked Santa! But the biggest surprise was when Santa walked over to me and handed me my Christmas present first. Wrapped up in a Christmas stocking with a little cap was a beautiful doll, or so I thought at first. It sure was a doll, a living doll, because Santa gave me a real baby, Robert Paul by name. I looked into that beautiful face and fell madly in love ... and stayed that way forever. I ran into my bedroom with him in my arms, and got out my doll crib to see if he would fit. He did. Well I figured my Christmas was as perfect as it could be. But it wasn't over yet.

Santa was being jolly and giving out presents to my other little brothers and sister, when there was another knock on the door. The kids were so excited they fell over themselves to get to the door and were screaming with delight because in walked Mommy and Daddy. As far as we were concerned we were in nirvana. After we hugged and kissed them, Mommy asked where the baby was, and I asked her what baby? She said the baby, Robert Paul, that Santa had brought in to surprise us with. I said you mean the beautiful living doll that was given to me for Christmas? She said yes. I told her I had put him down in my doll crib to nap while all the excitement was going on. Mommy looked rather shocked and looked at Daddy who broke out in hysterical laughter. Santa was cracking up too. The little kids had no idea what was going on, just that everyone was happy. Daddy asked if he could see my new doll and I told him if he was quiet he could see him. He went to the bedroom and cracked up, Robert Paul was sound asleep in my doll crib (which was a handmade wooden crib that my grandfather had made me the year before, it was built like a rock). Daddy asked if he could pick the "doll" up and I told how to do it safely, (support the head and put him in the "roock" of your arm). My father had a wonderful sense of humor and humored me and walked into the living room with my "doll".

My father walked into the living room and started to give the baby to my mother, but stopped short and asked me if it was okay for Mommy to hold my "doll". I told daddy "Don't be silly Daddy, Mommy made him for me." I am not sure who laughed the hardest, Santa or my parents. After some questioning my parents realized that I *believed* Santa when he said that the baby was my Christmas present. After this realization they had to have Santa find my "real" gift, which was a baton, which I had wanted, *BEFORE* Santa gave me my "living doll". I relented and let Mommy have the baby, on the condition she would share him, which she did till 1977.

Bobby 1966

Christmas 1966

On Nov. 2, 1977, my living doll, Bobby was killed in a car accident on the way home from school......I will never stop loving him and seem to always shed some tears on Christmas Eve for him, My Mother told me that each Christmas Eve she would remember the lovely story of how Bobby came home. She told me before she died, it was one of the most cherished moments in her life, because after all I was only 10 and trusted Santa and my parents, so believed anything they told me. Mother said that the man who played Santa was a member of our American Legion and would tell the story for years afterwards.

Bobby loved his first Christmas story ....and so do I, even if it is bittersweet. Bobby would curl up in the rocker with me and ask me to tell him the story every year...it was our special story.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Eve story for themselves.

Fun Days

2011-12-11T20:47:00.000-05:00

As I am downsizing all my things so we can move into assisted living, I came across an old photo album and started to scan some pictures in.

Back in the days.....now I do sound old, don't I? Back in the 70's I had a Girl Scout Troop, #185 to be exact, and had 25 wonderful little girls that I got to play with. I was their leader with my friend Izzy, from Juniors till Seniors. You don't know PMS till you have 25 at the same time.

One time in 1980 Izzy and I decided to take the whole troop, family and some friends to the Detroit Zoo. Now I know, "What the "H" were we thinking?" So besides the troop of girls, we had a passel of others to go with us. BUT, Izzy and I figured, there would be other adults along. How bad could it be?....Again, I know, "What?" So youth has it's advantages, you think you can do anything.

So, we get to the Detroit Zoo, unloaded about 45 people, and started to break them into workable groups...but none of the girls wanted to go with their OWN parents, they wanted to be with Izzy and me....joy. So we moved in mass, sort of like a large amoeba. Then after we got part way through the zoo, the heavens opened up and dumped a deluge of rain on us. Okay, so you would think we were going to turn around and go back home...No way, Izzy said, we can just go from one covered building to another. We are "Girl Scouts", so we can handle this with ease. Not sure at this point who might have wanted to kill her more, the wet parents or the girls. After looking at these pictures, I am not so sure. In fact, Izzy isn't looking too happy, as we found cover in the bird aviary and no one wanted to leave.

I so loved being a Girl Scout leader and have some very special memories with a lot of little girls I came to love very much. They are all grown, many with kids of their own and a couple are already early grandmas...time sure marches on.

The one thing I will cherish more than anything is that in the picture is my beautiful sister Rose, my beautiful nieces Marlene and Michelle from Oklahoma, and my lovely, sweet and beautiful nieces, Nancy, Brenda and Becky. Plus my dear friend Izzy, with the clipboard survived the trip.

After the last few weeks I am so pleased to have come across these and many more pictures and will enjoy scanning them in to forward to the girls.

honor

2011-12-11T17:53:00.000-05:00

Today Al and I were honored to stand flag line for SSgt. Vincent Bell at the funeral home. It was a cold crisp day but we felt lucky we could honor this hero. Tomorrow his memorial service will be at 11 am at the Renaissance Unity Church in Warren, MI. Unfortunately it will be too cold for me to be outside tomorrow, so we were glad to be able to go today.

The United States Flag will be lowered to half-staff in honor of U.S.
Marine Staff Sergeant Vincent J. Bell on Monday, 12 December 2011. Flags should be returned to full-staff on Tuesday, 13 December 2011.

Bell, 28, of Detroit, Michigan died 30 November 2011 in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan while conducting combat operations. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion of the 11th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, at Camp Pendleton in California.

Bell joined the Marines in 2001 and was serving his second deployment.
He was a two-time recipient of the Purple Heart, awarded twice the Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal, two Combat Action Ribbons, the Presidential Unit Citation, the Navy Unit Commendation, three Marine Corp Good Conduct Medals, the National Defense Service Medal, the Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal, three Iraqi Campaign Medals, the Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary Medal, the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal, and four Sea Service Deployment Ribbons.

A wake will be held on Sunday, 11 December 2011, from 3 to 7 p.m. at the United Memorial Funeral Home in Mt. Clemens, Michigan. The memorial service will be at 11 a.m. on Monday, 12 December 2011, at the Renaissance Unity Church in Warren, Michigan.

GOD Bless and Semper Fi!!!!!

Some of the men and women that also stood for him...
Thank you all.

Rest in Peace SSgt. Vincent Bell and Thank you.

Shadow Rex Bouchard RIP

2011-11-19T15:35:00.000-05:00

Today had turned out to be so sad. Our beloved little boy, Shadow Rex, who was too sweet to describe, had to be ut to rest today. Shadow was 18 years old and a beautiful Blue Maine Coon that we rescued from the street. He had been on the street through two winters when we had moved in and he took a liking to me right away, the trouble was we already had two cats. Al's mother decided to take him in and had him for a couple of years, but when she moved to a senior complex she only took one of her cats, Sally, because she was declawed. We took Shadow in when we moved again. He had been part of the our family for over 10 years. The vet told us when he was first brought in that he was in pretty good health but don't expect him to last long, that was 12 years ago.

Our beautiful boy was starting to fail the last few weeks and even though we hated to make the decision, he had made a turn for the worse this morning. We have always promised our animals we would not let them suffer just so we may spend more time with them. When we adopted our babies we promised them to protect and love them and give them a kind life. I hope we have stuck to our promise despite the heartache we feel.

I don't know why humans feel the need to have pets, and who figured out which of the animals would become man's pets, but I have always had one and thus have always had to make the hard decision as to when.

I have decided that being an adult is over rated and that I am sick of having to make decisions, and yes, I understand if I don't make the decision, someone else will and then I am stuck with the decision. In less than 18 months Al and I have buried both our mothers and three of our cats, we are so done with death. Plus we had a dear friend die. We are so burned out we barely function at times, yet we try to help others.

I will miss my little boy, he always cuddled up with me for my naps and before bedtime. Rest in Peace Shadow Rex Bouchard...................

A Beautiful Day

2011-10-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

I woke up today breathing and on the blade side of the grass, so I know it is a beautiful day.
My hope is that everyone has a beautiful day today....

Enjoy.....

http://player.vimeo.com/video/27920977?title=0&%3bbyline=0&%3bportrait=0href=

My Angel

2011-10-20T21:13:00.000-04:00

Well this day started out to be so horrible that I was not sure I would make it.

I woke up at 3am gasping for air, my bi-pap had stopped working. My heart was racing as I was struggling to get some air. My oxygen concentrator was plugged in so I could get my oxygen level up, but it was not working right. Things were going downhill so rapid we did not know if I would live the next few hours. My pulse ox had dropped to 82 and my heart rate was at 156, things were just horrible. We think there might have been a brownout that blew my fuse. I have been struggling for the past few days because of the exposure to carbon monoxide from the furnace, so did not need this bs.

I have a portable oxygen concentrator but it was acting up because it could not go to the 4 liters I was needing. I just hoped we could find someone to fix my large machine. That did not happen, my machine is over 10 years old.
I was gasping for air till 10am and we managed to get me to up to 90 on my pulse ox, I told Al he could go to school and if I needed him I would call him.

Needless to say, our wake up was bad, high adrenaline to say the least. Poor Al was woke up with me gasping and begging for help.
After we got up and I could make some sense I started to trying and find a place for help. Whenever I could breathe a little I would call places trying to get my machine repaired, or rent one. The trouble is I have no insurance and without it, can not rent. I put out calls to everyone that might know someone, and just kept calling and looking on line. The company that I had bought my machine in 2002 was out of business.

I did have a repair man's card who had worked with the company that I had bought my machine, Gary had did the yearly maintenance on it until the past couple of years when I could not afford it. I found his card after trying to remember where I might have it. Gary did not do the maintenance on oxygen machines anymore, but said he would check around and see if he could find me a used one. He called me back a couple of hours later and got me a deal of a life time. He is my angel, without him I know I would not be getting through the night.

He helped us with information on how to repair my Bi-Pap, so now that is working. I can not sleep without it because of the Polio, my diaphragm is semi-paralyzed, so I hold onto my CO2 and turn blue. Life can really suck for me when my equipment starts to fail me.

So if anyone needs medical repairs or equipment I want to give you Gary's card.

Not only did he find me a new machine, it had been completely rebuilt, he delivered it to our house and set it up.
Gary is our Angel....Thank God I was able to find him.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, need to find out why I am going sour......

Carbon Monoxide

2011-10-17T16:02:00.000-04:00

Well I can officially state that my life has too many events in it. I am so ready not to have any more excitement.

The last couple of weeks I have been battling with a bad tooth and some really nasty headaches, which I figured was the tooth, but I was again wrong.

The weather has been so up and down that we never thought too much about our furnace, but we figured it was getting old and it was a trouble at times. One thing that we found out this weekend was that we were getting carbon monoxide in the house and the pilot was out and we were getting gas in the house. I had told Al a couple of times that I smelled gas and he could not smell it.

I know that I have been getting weaker and had really bad headaches and did not think it would be the furnace. The trouble with having numerous health issues is that a person does not always pay attention to things around us.
Now that we know what is wrong, the furnace is shut off and we spent the whole weekend with the windows and doors open. We will not be able to afford to fix the furnace so we are coming up with our electric heaters as a resource.
One of my nieces husband said he would check things out next week so we shall see what will happen.

If anyone is getting a lot of headaches and can't explain it, or feeling really extremely tired, make sure your furnace and hot water tank is vented right and the pilot is working, otherwise your life could end.

So in the mean time I would like to opt out of any more excitement.....peace and quiet would be greatly welcomed.

William Edward

2011-10-07T17:52:00.000-04:00

Today is my brother Bill's birthday, he would have been 56 today.
I lost Bill in 1993, time has a way of getting away it seems. Bill is my second little brother, he came into the world hard. Mom said when he was trying to deliver the nuns, who were nurses at the hospital she was in, would not let him be born and tied her legs shut. The nuns said Mom had to wait for the doctor. As a result of his hard birth Bill suffered some behavior problems due to lack of oxygen.
But I will say, he was beautiful as a baby and I loved to hold him and rock him. Bill needed a lot of holding and rocking, he could not keep food down or sleep well, he was so sick his first year Mom was afraid she would lose him. We lived in Indiana at the time and my father was away working for the railroad when Mom packed all four of us and drove us to Michigan to try and save her baby boy.
It was a very difficult trip, we had no money and when the car broke down a stranger helped to get it back on the road. Mom herself was sick and had 4 children, 10 and under she was trying to bring home to Michigan. The weather was horrible and yet she managed by sheer will to get us home. When we arrived Mom collapsed at Aunty Do's and my great-aunts took over. It was pure divine intervention that she was able to get Bill to a doctor in Michigan in a timely manner, he was dying from an inner ear infection and it had traveled through out his little body.
Bill always seemed to push the envelope all his life. He escaped some horrible events and had some terrible side effects as a result. Bill self medicated to get through his hell and when he came to live with us in 1992 I tried to help him, but he was too far gone to bring him back. Despite all the trouble Bill gave me, I always will love him and cherish the few years I had with him. He did not always have self control, and it was not always his fault, his demons were so hugh.
As I celebrated his birthday today, I hope he knows how much he was loved and cherished.
His one song we sang to him was ...

Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy,
Oh, where have you been, charming Billy?
I have been to seek a wife, she's the joy of my life,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.

Can she make a cherry pie, Billy Boy, Billy Boy,
Can she make a cherry pie, charming Billy?
She can make a cherry pie, quick as a cat can wink an eye,
She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/miscellaneouslyrics/childsongslyrics/billyboylyrics.html

Happy Birthday Billy Boy.........

Rose Marie

2011-10-05T15:18:00.000-04:00

Rose Marie is my only sister and she died today in 1989.........it is shocking to see how much time has gone by......
When she was born I was the happiest kid in the world, I finally got a sister...I already had three brothers and felt it was time.
Rose was born July 2nd and as a result for years thought the fireworks going during the 4th was for her..........especially after she was 3 and her big brother took her downtown to see the fireworks at the Detroit river.
Rose was a talented artist, accomplished horsewoman and loved living outdoors and experiencing the wild. She lived for years in Alaska and raised some of her own food. She also worked on fishing ships and hunted. All in all she was a "Renaissance Woman".

My mother told me she did not know how she ended up with such daughters. Mom said her daughters had "more balls" then her sons.
I do not know why my sister and I had such hard lives and why I did not have the gift of growing older with her. When she was dying she told me that she wanted me to be her power of attorney and to fight her fights for her because she knew I would not fail her. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Because of our Mother being married to someone Rose did not trust, she did not want Mom to be put in a difficult place. Like she told me, Mom would not be able to help her without backlash from her husband. When I had to corner the doctor to tell us the truth, how long did she have.....would she live long enough for her brother's birthday on the 4th, the doctor did not want to tell me the truth. Rose was in a coma at this time and both her brothers made it back home in time to say good by. Her older brother's birthday was on the 4th of Oct, she died at 12:02am on the 5th of Oct., she hung in long enough so she would not die on her brother's birthday. I guess Mom is right, Rose really had some balls.

I miss my little sister, I loved her with my whole heart and think about how lucky I was to have her for 32 years. As I sit here crying because of how much I miss you Rose, I also have joy in my heart because I did what you asked me to do Rose and that is fight for your dignity.

So my little Rosey Posey Pudding and Pie, Thank You for being part of my heart and having blessed me for the years I had with you.

Quiet

2011-10-02T12:41:00.000-04:00

As we were moving our living room around we managed to kill off our house phone, didn't think much about it till realized that there was such quiet going on. It is funny but I find I am enjoying the silence more and more and have even considered getting the phone disconnected. We have our cell phones and just shut them off when we are home, that way things are calm.
I never realized how much I hate the phone till it was gone. I had to be on call 24/7 when Mom was sick and the phone could ring anytime night or day. I think that being on call like that made it impossible for me to sleep a full night for two years, and even a year later I still am on edge waiting for the phone to ring.
This society has become so accustomed to instant contact that I think people have forgotten about silence. Silence is so under rated, it gives a person the time to breath, to enjoy the world around them and to think. Now granted some people would think that that is hell, I don't. In fact I think I am going to experiment with no phones, computers, texting or tv on the weekends for the month, I will see how this goes.....
Considering the total mess I have started in the house, I am going to need the time....

I hope you dance

2011-09-26T12:45:00.000-04:00

This was sent to me by a cousin, such perfect timing after losing Theresa, I have been feeling very down......
'I Hope You Dance... '

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

*The last line says it all. *

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.

I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

If you received this, it is because someone cares for you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I can tell you it certainly won't be the last.

Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're thinking of them.

"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there."

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance

Home

RIP My friend Theresa

2011-09-17T12:11:00.000-04:00

I received this notice from Matt, Theresa's brother:

My sweet friend, one of my heroes has passed away, she was such a warrior and a champion.......Good bye my friend, may you soar now.

Sadly, Theresa A. Arini (Guarnieri) has succumb to the effects of Pneumonia tonight at 8:42pm. How do you say goodbye to your strongest ally in life, the sister who made your life meaningful? It's like a part of my soul has been ripped away. Please pray for Vince, the husband Theresa left behind. He's a good guy and made Theresa so happy through the years. He will need strength to continue on.

Fall

2011-09-15T13:37:00.000-04:00

Well, if this morning is an inking, then Fall is trying real hard to raise it's head. It was a bit brisk this am and is supposed to be colder tonight. The problem is it is then going to warm up for a few days...can you say "allergy season"?

Was going to go to the library down at WSU today while Al was in class but my body did no want to cooperate so I am home again today.

Trying to teach myself more computer lessons on software that is so difficult, not to great at this self-learning, very slow at it.

My book writing is somewhat stalled, just trying to get all the information in an orderly manner is taking so much time. I guess I should not be surprised though there is 40 years of research I am trying to straighten out.

Still sad news about my friend Theresa, no final answer.

Sad Heart

2011-09-12T16:33:00.000-04:00

For the past few days I have been dealing with a very sad heart. My friend Theresa Arini is on life support and her husband Vincent is by her side since it happened last Tuesday. Things are not looking promising and it so saddens me. When I talked with her a few months ago we were going to get together after she moved.

I had the privilege to meet Theresa about 15 years ago at a Woman and Disabilities conference. We hit it off right away and enjoyed our time together. We kept in touch and after I got my job at at CIL she came in for some services. Later she got hired at the CIL so we became work buddies. Both of us had breathing issues, and we both used mobility devices.

We found that our working conditions were fraught with dangers and had a toxic effect on us. There were many discussions on how abusive and intolerant some of the other employees were to other people with disabilities. The irony was, we were working at at CIL, we were to be the advocates for those with disability issues.

Theresa had quite a few disability issues to deal with on a daily basis and yet she did it. She became my hero and I told her so. She is 13 years younger than me but since birth had to overcome and deal with life threatening issues.
There was one thing I loved about Theresa and that was her sense of humor. Sometimes she would wheel into my office and ask if I could but her shoe back on her artificial leg, she could not bend the foot. She said that some of the other employees wee not comfortable helping her. A couple of other times she would come into the office and whisper, "could you help me put my leg back on?". I agreed and we would go to the bathroom, both of us in our mobility units wheeling down the hall, and help her reattach her leg. Other times she needed some help with her oxygen tanks and I would help her switch them over. YET, Theresa worked 40 hours a week, and she did so because she loved her work.
When the CIL made it too toxic for her (and me too), she was devastated, but went on to getting a job with the state, better pay and people.

Theresa was almost finished with her Master's Degree from Wayne State University, she said she just had some funding issues left. Quite frankly I think WSU should have just given her the degree for living the life she had.

I found some pictures of Theresa on her FB page and am including them here.....

This is Theresa about 1972............

The Theresa I worked with

A picture from her sister

When ever I think I have it bad, Theresa comes to mind and I shame myself for feeling pity. Theresa and Vince travel, have great family and are always active.

A few months ago when I talked with Theresa she expressed her concern that her heart was not doing well at all and that her breathing was giving her grief. I understood what she was saying and we discussed how we struggled with these issues. Both of us felt that we were a burden to our spouses and wished that we had easier lives. I was looking forward to coming up to see her and regret that the summer gave me so much trouble this year.

I have one wish for Theresa and that is she be peaceful and without pain. I am not sure what God has planned for her, but I know my heart hurts because of her struggles and the pain that Vince is going through now. My prayers are for both of them.

Two postings

2011-09-07T12:45:00.000-04:00

Because I figured I didn't have things hard enough, I decided to have two different places to post on Ebay. My mjsb50 (http://www.ebay.com/sch/mjsb50/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686) is for my wire work ,my yarn and dolls.
Then I decided to do my RWR Emporium which is for my findings, cameos and other supplies, so that place I named as RWR3EMP (http://www.ebay.com/sch/rwr3emp/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686). I figured it would make things easier for me....now I am not always right in my figgering....time will tell.
But I did manage to get 25 listings up at each site so I think I am getting the hang of things.
I am finding that the feeling of loss from not being able to go to the shows and enjoy all the people has improved because of all the wonderful remarks I have been getting from people who are viewing my items online. I still miss the contact of face to face, but don't feel like I have completely lost anymore. It is wonderful to get some hope back, things have been rather hopeless for us the last couple of years.

Here are some of the items I put up on RWR3EMP...enjoy

Thanks again for all the support, it is greatly appreciated

Again....really

2011-09-06T18:27:00.000-04:00

Couldn't believe it, we came home after an appointment and our power was out again....our neighbors were all out and discussing the frustration. Turns out that the computer for the electric company shut down the computers because someone had crossed a wire. The power was out for another 4 hours....we are so dependent on power.

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-06T12:24:00.000-04:00

What a nasty Labor Day weekend for us. Our power went out on Sat and then when we tried to get our generator to work it would only run for an hour. I could not use my oxygen as it runs on the geni and I could hardly breathe. Sat night was hell. We went out to breakfast on Sunday to try and cool off and so I could catch my breath. When we got back Al tried to get the geni working but without luck. We called our friend Earl and he has a geni so he had some ideas. Thanks to Earl and all his help they got the geni running and I could breathe. Of course now the weather got cold and damp so we never got comfortable but we figured we were luckier than others. Thanks to a good friend we got some things to work.
Hoping for a better week for the rest of the week...finally got a good night's sleep last night after the power came back.

It is so funny to me, years ago I would go primitive camping for a week or two at a time, by myself,up north and never even think about having power or electronics.
Now I was enjoying the silence of the neighborhood, but wanted to work on my book and I need power for that. Times and wants do change as one gets older don't they?

Fun With Al

2011-09-03T15:37:00.000-04:00

I have come across some of our fun pictures from Costume Con...Hard to get Al to place dress up but sometimes I can get him to play.....

I did mama Cass and did not need any padding......

Together we make music......

Pretty Loud..............

Hope everyone has a rocking holiday weekend............

Suffering

2011-09-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

I think I am suffering separation anxiety,not from a person but from my skills. As I am listing my artwork on Ebay, I am becoming sad that I can not do the work anymore. So now I am trying to figure out how to continue in my art and crafts, yet not be in extreme pain. I have been coming up with some modifications to my tools and the type of working environment. Haven't quite got it right, but as I work it out I will post the information.

So many artist, writers, secretaries, office people and others who make a living by their hands end up with such disabilities. I think we just push through the pain because we don't want to give up our jobs, which support us, or our art and hobbies which keep us sane. Personally I was raise that "idle hands were the Devil's workshop". Guess I just can't get past that because I can not imagine watching TV and just sitting there doing nothing else.

For me, I can do the written computer stuff with a voice program now, but not the photo editing. I can still do research and write, but the things that give me the most pleasure have become too painful to continue right now. I have braces on my hands, magnifiers (which I always used to protect my eyes) and different angled tables. I want to pick up my crochet hooks or knitting needles and get working, it is the season when I started my most active work.

I guess the changing of the season is when my body changes what it wants to do, of course today is way to hot to consider the hand work.......but the cooler days are coming and i am biting at the bit.

I realize that every day is a gift and I do not want to waste any time bemoaning what I can not do, but I have learned it is okay to have a 15 minute "pity party" sometimes and then move on.

Small World

2011-09-01T13:30:00.000-04:00

When someone says the world is getting smaller, I have proof it is.
While I was looking at my FB page a picture came up of this guy I know as the "Bubble King", by the way he is marvelous.

Seeing his picture was not so surprising, it was the other person in the picture who surprised me, it was my 1st cousin who I had not seen in over 20 years. After the initial surprise I showed the picture to Al and he says, that is Chuck, he was my computer prof at OCC. I looked at Al in shock and said, "well the other guy is my cousin Jon". We got laughing so hard and just shook our heads in amazement at how small the world is and is getting.

So has anyone else found someone they know in someone else' s picture?

So I have learned to always be in for a surprise...it makes one's life interesting........

Ebay listings

2011-09-01T10:16:00.000-04:00

I do not know if I am doing this right, but am going to try it.....can you say learning curve?

Our Current Auctions on eBay:

Some other pieces

2011-08-31T16:37:00.000-04:00

I am trying to figure out how to write and describe a piece before the picture takes our, so bear with me.

This piece is a deep red vintage 1930's cut West German Glass with copper wire. the piece is small, it 2 inches long by 1.25 inches wide.
The copper wire has developed a wonderful patina.$10.00 + shipping.

This is another piece of west German glass and glass pearls, 2 necklaces in one. The pearls are light purple and the glass is a deep rose. The wirei Merlin's Gold. $15.00 + shipping.

Funny fused piece of glass that looked like a face to me. It is warapped in copper. it measures 2.5 inches by 1.5 inches. $20.00 + shipping.

Focal Height, it consists of lapis, agates, silver,copper and seed beads. A fun piece. It measures 3.5 inches by 2 inches. $20.00 + shipping

Bodygraine

2011-08-31T12:34:00.000-04:00

After talking with Gail today I have come up with a new description of how we feel some days...I am naming it "Bodygraine". A bodygraine is like having a whole, all over migraine, where light, noise and air pressure makes you want to find a hole and crawl into it. The pain is unreal and there is no real treatment me, you just suffer through and hope tomorrow is better. Today is a bodygraine day for many, especially with the weather fronts coming in with all different directions.

GlitzGoddesses

2011-08-29T11:24:00.000-04:00

Well I might have the hang of this and am going to try to show more of my work. These are my GlitzGoddesses

Some of my art

2011-08-28T17:19:00.000-04:00

Now that I am getting brave enough to figure out a photo sharing and editing site and list on Ebay I am going to try to put up some of my pixs here.

This is a beautiful glass and wire piece. I fired the glass 6 times to temper it and wrapped in 14/20 Rolled Gold

This is one of the pieces I set in Sterling Silver with real gemstone.

EEnjoy......

Honor

2011-08-27T22:37:00.000-04:00

I was raised that if a person does not have honor and integrity, then that person has nothing. I was raised by 2 USMC from WWII, and had the influence from a great-grandfather from Massachusetts, who was Baptist. Not much hope for me not to learn this lesson. The interesting fact is that my brothers were also raised that way, but left at 16,17 and 18, going into the military, and yet they forgot this lesson. So when I took care of my mother during the last two years of her life, I had to fight for her honor and dignity, and had to do it with integrity because these were her sons. That turned out to be a nightmare, because my mother was so bullied by her sons that she was terrified most of the last two years of her life. She told me numerous times that she would just agree to what they wanted because two of them would be on the phone at the same time nagging her. Now the important part of this is that she had congestive heart failure and was on oxygen. She had been in the hospital or rehab 16 times in 18 months. They would bully her when she was ill and on medications, and then attack me by email or phone. What they did was because of money - my mother's. My mother was so devastated when she found out that she had been talked into a trust while she was in rehab, coming out of a critical near-death experience (she had coded, and was resuscitated) and spent a month and a half in the rehab center. She had signed a power of attorney for one brother, not realizing that he was pulling things on her. She had me as her medical advocate, but did not know her son was not allowing that to happen. He thought he could control things from out of state. The rub is, I was the one that was called in the middle of the night to rush to the hospital, and to stay sometimes 28 hours while she was being stabilized. I was the one who had to give her IV's when she was released from the hospital dying from MRSA.

Doing things honorably is never the easiest way to go but is the most satisfying for me. It is the way I do things.

According to the dictionary this the some of the definitions of honor :

honor, homage, reverence, deference mean respect and esteem shown to another. honor may apply to the recognition of one's right to great respect or to any expression of such recognition <the nomination is an honor>.

Synonyms: honesty, integrity, probity, rectitude, righteousness, uprightness

I hope to continue acting this way. So many of my dreams lately have had to change, but I am making new ones.

I was talking with my friend Anna, who is a Navy veteran, and we were discussing my clean out of all my yarn. I told her about the Army Sgt. who I was told did not have a family, only the military, and he was dying of stage 4 cancer at Walter Reed Hospital. His friend had sent out an appeal for some cards for him to perk him up. ( I at the time was in a major polio flare and not able to get out of bed much, but felt that maybe I could make him something and asked if I could make him an afghan...the answer was yes.) The Sgt. so love his afghan that he asked if he could be buried with it, so his friend contacted me and I said that I have never had such an honor and that I was glad it comforted him. Some day I hope to go to Arlington to his grave and say "Thank You.

Anna and I talked about a lady that was in front of me at a local store and was being complimented on her hat and scarf. The clerk asked her if she made it and she said no, that an angel had made them for the shelter she was in and had put a note in it telling whoever got this set to feel beautiful. I gasped because I knew that I had made it. The lady told the clerk that she knew she was homeless but she felt beautiful. I did not want her to know I made it, but I felt so happy that it gave her a lift. See, I have been homeless and know how horrible one can feel.

Al reminds me of the hundreds of hats, scarves, afghans and other items I have made and donated, so he says I have always tried to make sure no one feels obligated to say "Thank you". I don't do it for that reason, I do it because I can't help out with money, or homes, or cars or other things, but I can "or could" use my hands and eyes. Now I will hopefully pass this on to others.

If You Pack It, They Will Buy...

2011-08-27T20:26:00.000-04:00

Well the first group of packages are loaded and ready for sale. I somehow managed to get the photo sharing site to work for me and Ebay to let me list....all in all a good day.

Trying new photo sharing

2011-08-25T21:44:00.000-04:00

My learning curve is always a challenge, having my head smashed in a few times makes learning new things difficult.
So of course I decided to try to put my ads on Ebay with fancy pictures and templates, so we shall see if I can post one here.

Brushed Super Soft 3 Yarn

Brushed Super Soft 3 Yarn

100 % Acrylic

50 gram skein

New Old Stock

Smoke Free Home

Giving

2011-08-25T21:20:00.000-04:00

Giving is always something I did because I was taught that there is always someone worse off then yourself. There have been times that I didn't always believe this. As an example, when I had to live in my car in the early 70's because of being homeless. The strange thing is that from being a Girl Scout for years and having developed survival skills, I turned my car into a home.

So as I listen to the news lately, apartments are burning down, children are starving and homeless, and I realize again that I am extremely lucky. Granted I have a rather piss-ass body right now that is driving me somewhat crazy, and I am trying to let go of many dreams, but I am still lucky.

As I found out the last few years, being a small business did not work for me. So now is the time to have a not going to do the business idea sale again. I am the first to admit it was a rather tough blow to my ego, and the fact that we got to travel all over and meet wonderful people I miss.

I also will be giving up some of my physical giving, such as knitting, sewing and handwork, but I figure that to give forward is what I still want to do. So I am going to get more creative on how to do what makes me feel that there is a reason for me to be here on Earth.

While we were packing up more dolls and other things to sell I asked Al did we have things in our pantry and linen closet that we did not need or use any more. The answer was rather amazing. We managed to get 3 large garbage bags full of linens. We are not taking in any more strays, so we only have one bed now, not four. We also have managed to fill two boxes with food to take to the food pantry. Next comes the dishes and pots and pans.

I wonder if this a what most people start to do as they get older, or do they wait till it is too late and have someone else make the decisions? I think that due to both our mother's dying last year, it has been a catalyst for us to downsize. It is a rather monumental task, and we are exhausted, but Al starts college next week and we need to get a lot done before then.

Oh My Goodness

2011-08-23T18:26:00.000-04:00

It is unbelievable that I believed I could do all the things I have supplies for. I must have thought I was 5 people in one...whoops, that is called "Multiple Personality Disorder", or maybe having grandiose ideas, what ever it was or is I am now getting rid of it all.

What a eye opener to get older and realize that my energy is at a standstill.

I have packed upped 27 priority boxes of yarn to list on Ebay........good lord.
It is taking me days to do the photos, inventory, listing and packing up. My goal is that by Christmas it will all be gone........please, please, please.

Got rid of the car top carrier and now need to get rid of all the camping supplies next.

When I got told that I would be losing my sight for good soon and that my hands are losing feeling, I made the real life decision that "I want to choose how things go". There is no reason to feel sorry for myself, I just want to make things easier so we can get rid of the house and move into an apartment next year.
I think I am going to be busier than a "one armed paper hanger".

Well I am going to go and relax and watch my "America's Got Talent". Looking forward to some good and silly talent.

Anniversary a Miracle

2011-08-21T11:37:00.000-04:00

Well miracles do happen and today is proof, we made it another year. It always amazes me when we get to our anniversary that we made it another year. Our life has been full of so much tragedy and sorrow that survival is sometimes the only function we run on. Al and I discussed last night the night before our wedding events and how poor we were, we had $25.00 to get married on and he still carries the Canadian $2.00 bill that was left over. For the money we got across the border into Canada, bought our license and went to McDonald's for lunch. As we ate we shared the table with someone who told us about a minister who might marry us. We had no idea what we were getting into, or what to expect. We started our marriage out with an adventure and have not stop having them since, some really bad ones and some really good ones, and crave for just medium at times.
We met at college 3 months before and it was during some bizarre circumstances, guess that should have been the first clue. When we met, I was lugging an oxygen tank and using a cane. I was not looking for a "man", I was going back to school and had a foster teen at home, so I did not need any additional stress.
Al had just come back to town and was returning to college also.

If I may say so, marriage, let alone a relationship, was so far off my radar, Pluto would have been closer. I especially felt that due to the disability issues I had, I would not want to burden someone. Al says it has not been a burden, but then he is also good at denial.

We made our food for the wedding and had it in the back yard of the house we were renting. It was simple, but the type of wedding we wanted. It was a hot day, 95 degrees, and luckily the rain held off till midnight.

I have been asked if I would do it over again and I have to honestly say, I am not sure. I am sure that I love Al and that I would not want to live with out him, and that I have never had anyone love me the way he does. I can also say that I have never had family support and Al has always been supportive of me. But, if I had the knowledge of the painful and sorrowful events that we have endured, I don't think I would be strong enough to face them. I guess that is when ignorance is bliss.

A Beautiful Gift

2011-08-18T21:41:00.000-04:00

I received a beautiful gift tonight, I got a call from an old friend, one I had not been in contact for a decade. It was with great joy and love that I was able to re-connect with Claudia. We talked for hours, there was so much to catch up on. We had both has so many tragedies during the past decade, yet also some triumphs.

She understood why we had to pull away from her and her wonderful husband Dan, whom she lost two years ago. My heart is sorrowful that I missed the last few years of Dan's life. Time has gone by so fast and so many things have happened. If I had one wish it would be that we never have to dis-connect again.

We discussed the fact we had known each other for 30 years and then laughed at how strange that sounds. How could 30 years go by so fast. It was wonderful to hear her voice and tell her how much I enjoyed talking with her again and we both made a promise not to let the time go by again.

This is a good way to end a day.

Some yarn for sale

2011-08-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

Here is some of the yarn I have to sell. The Lopi (16) is made in Iceland and 100% wool 50 grams, that is the grey. The (5)blue and (20) soft red is Icelandic Homespun that is 100% wool in 50 grams skeins.. The (8) pale yellow and (8) red Pingouin is 60 cotton/40 acrylique in 50 gram skeins. The Potpourri is 57% cotton, 17 rayon 15 polyester and 11% nylon again in 50 gram skeins. The two colors are (10) red white blue muted and (10) yellow blue pink muted. The Brushed Super Soft 3 is 100% super high bulk brushed acrylic. 40 gram skein. (27 rose, 2 yellow).

I hope these pictures work, if not let e know.
Thanks so much

My lusting Heart

2011-08-16T18:46:00.001-04:00

Stopped at 13 Mile and Woodward to look at some beauties. Be still my heart......the love of cars must be in my blood, my father was a master mechanic and I was raised with the smell of oil and gas.
Some of these beauties were breathtaking and considering I don't have a lot of breath, this was fun.

The cruise is only supposed to be on Sat, but it has expanded to a week for the past few years.

Bags of Yarn that went

2011-08-16T18:30:00.000-04:00

This is what 112 skeins of yarn look like bagged up....it filled Sue's trunk. Now to post the other hundreds up for sale and the knitting machines.

Letting go of dreams

2011-08-16T11:51:00.000-04:00

It has occurred to me that I am in the process of letting go of my dreams and hopes that I have held on to for my whole life. The things that I thought I would never stop doing, I have stopped. I am finding that I have to find new dreams and hopes and think that the prospect should be quite fun.

Re-inventing one's self takes a lot of thought and work, which is probably why I am not sleeping much anymore. The experts say that as one gets older they sleep less and I suppose that is because most people are re-inventing themselves and can't always figure out how to do it.
So if one tired because of the work or lack of sleep?

Skeins of Yarn

2011-08-16T11:22:00.000-04:00

A friend asked what was going to be done with the 112 skeins of yarn. My problem is that I can no longer do the hand work, and considering I used to knit up to 100 hats and scarves a year to donate to the shelters I was greatly disappointed, so I had to figure out another way. The other way is that my friend Sue runs a latch-key program and the kids do a community project and they will be making the hats and scarves, so I still had a way to give and help the kids. So this is my mulligan, just with other hands.

I Hate Mondays

2011-08-16T10:53:00.000-04:00

My husband's Uncle George always took off Monday's when he worked. When he retired he did the same, I asked him why and he replied; "It seems all Hell breaks loose on Mondays".
I agree with him wholly and think that I am going to do the same.
Yesterday was Monday and things started out badly when I could not get to sleep till 4:30am and got woke up at 5:30am. Made for a long day. My husband had something to do all day so I figured I would have a quiet day. No such luck. I started getting phones calls, and on two phones at a time. All I wanted to do is sleep.
One set of calls was important, a friend had fallen at work and injured himself and was in the hospital. He and his wife had just been over to visit on Sunday. This was not starting out too well.

Today is much better, getting seven hours of sleep does make life look a lot better. So I have decided to start my week with Tuesday instead of Monday and see how it works.

Abyss

2011-08-15T10:24:00.000-04:00

One of the most important things for me to do this year was to get out of the abyss that we have been in for the past decade.
This is a difficult thing to do because inertia can set in and prevent action.

I took action by making sure a friend who was moving to the East coast knew how much I loved and appreciated her. Al and I decided to take her to dinner before she left and put to rest any questions she or we had regarding our relationship. It was a wonderful dinner and it created a peace in me that I had longed for. I was so glad that I decided to do-over the relationship, it is a worthwhile relationship that was needed in my life.

So when someone says that they can not fix a relationship, maybe that is true, especially if it is toxic, but one that has just kind of slipped away can be worked on.

One's life is in constant change, people come and go at different stages, but I find some people go with the fluidity of life. My hope is that the flow in my life will have less ripples and becomes smooth.

Wrong count

2011-08-15T01:57:00.000-04:00

Turns out it was 112 skeins, looks like I can't add with out a calc. My brain doesn't seem to go past 100 without error, oh well that is the way things go.

100 skiens

2011-08-14T18:54:00.000-04:00

100 skeins of yarn have left my house today. My goal of getting rid of all my sewing, knitting and crafts is starting to look promising. Now that I can no longer do these hobbies, it is time to get the supplies to others. As soon as I can get my knitting machines unpacked, I can put them up for sale. Next comes the sewing machines and fabric.

Taken to task

2011-08-14T18:49:00.000-04:00

Well it is really interesting to be taken to task so early in my blogging experience.
Mike has said that I could not "not survived" if I am here, therefore I survived. Well I suppose if you follow the description of the word survive per the Standard Dictionary I have in my lap, he could be close if he applied this to a normal person. According to the book, the definition is such: Survive-1. To remain alive, or in existence. 2. To live or exist beyond the death, occurrence, or end of; outlive;outlast. Strictly speaking, I guess I have done some of that.

But for me, to survive means to be at the same level as before the traumatic event, and thus I do not feel I have always survived.

My life have been full of traumatic events, I got polio at 6 months and 12 years old. My paternal grandfather sexually molested and tortured me from the age of 4 till 12. I lost my father the week of my 13th birthday. My mother remarried a man who was abusive. I ended up with an abusive 1st marriage, and while escaping from him was in a bad auto accident. After getting divorced I went to work in a summer camp and was beaten and raped and left to die. After recovering from that, I went to college, and while asleep, my apartment while it was burning down around me. The fire dept recovered a body, I was told, not rescue a victim. And the government said that because I had died, I no longer existed, so I had to pick a new name and get a new Social Security number. So who has survived?

So am I a survivor? I don't really view experiencing these events as being successful. Yes I was, and am, alive, but I hardly call this surviving. I have days when I can not breathe, walk or function. I struggle through PTSD at times. I sometimes must live a very isolated life. My immune system sucks. Many times, so does my attitude.

I have had successes; I managed (with Al's help) to finally get my degree from U of M. I helped fight a legal battle against my husband by the USPS, and we won. I have won some wonderful funky awards for costuming. And I will be married for 28 years on Sunday.

With all the trauma I have had, at least I have a sense of humor....warped as Hell at times, but it is mine.

My first attempt

2011-08-13T21:50:00.000-04:00

I am going to attempt a blog.....it seems that everyone says I should write down some of the events that I have survived and those I have not.

Sometimes life gives a person lemonade and it can be sweet or sour depending on how one approaches. My life has been full of all flavors of lemonade, and some of it was totally undrinkable.

While I get the hang of this blogging I will practice here .